Lie to me
by Clover1302
Summary: They won the war. That means happily ever after comes next right? Explore the aftermath of the war as seen through Hermione and Draco's eyes. Canon.Epilogue compliant. Non HEA. Smut. Profanity.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

" _ **In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you and rock you and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry I cry and when you hurt I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods to tears and despair and make it through the potholed street of life"**_

― **Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook**

 **2 May 1998**

In the distance, he could see she was sitting on a rock near the Whomping Willow. On any other day it might have been perilous to be so close to the ghastly tree, but it seemed the tree was also in mourning.

He walked slowly toward her, while he gathered his own thoughts, which was not an easy feat, as his own head and heart were struggling to find their footing. He combed his fingers through his too long, ginger hair. It felt grimy, and once he felt a semblance of normalcy again, he'd take a shower. Now, however, he needed to tell her.

"Hermione!" Ron called out to her.

She was deep in thought and it took Ron another two attempts to gain her attention. She still had black marks on her face from the battle. Her face was too thin, hollow and tortured. However, everyone can be accused of being in the same condition.

Hermione stood up. Her jacket zipped up to under her chin, her muggle jeans ripped at five different places, smeared with a mixture of blood and dirt. She was standing and looking at him with a heaviness in her eyes. He walked close to her and closed the distance. They embraced each other passionately and stayed like that for a good while.

A moment later Ron broke the silence. He moved away from her slightly in order to look straight at her but he still held onto her by her shoulders.

"Hermione, I – I have to tell you something. Kingsley and the other aurors found- er - found your- your parents…" Ron stumbled through his introduction. He let go of her and started pacing slightly.

"And?" Hermione asked. She was so emotionally exhausted she didn't even bother to ask how they found her parents so quickly, considering Harry defeated Voldemort only hours ago. She thought that search would happen in a week or so.

"Hermione, Lucius Malfoy offered some information. He said Bellatrix was furious when we escaped the manor. She went on a rampage and- "

"Ron!" Hermione cried.

"Just tell me."

"She found them. She found them, Hermione. She blew up their car. The muggles thought it was a car accident, mechanical malfunction or something," Ron went on.

"I'm so sorry, love."

Ron did not need to specify.

Her parents were gone.

She looked at him blankly. Like the information did not filter through. Or rather could not. But her expression started crumbling. His words were perforating her pale mask. Slowly, she started to crumble to the ground but Ron caught her and moved them slowly to the ground. By the time her sobs captured her, he had her physically comfortable on the soft green grass. It was all he could do. He could not take away her grief but he'd help her embrace it and ride out the rocky, painful storm. Just as she did earlier, when he discovered Fred had gone beyond the veil. He pushed his mourning, his terribly raw grief aside, and took care of her.

Hermione felt like sharp rocks descended upon her as her grief invaded her emotional body. She clung to Ron for support, for strength, for patches to help her breathe again like a life line. To help her survive this emotional tragedy that befell her. She felt like someone pushed her into the deep, dark ocean during a hurricane. She was drowning. Every time she came up to draw in a breath, a figurative, emotional wave crashed into her, taking her under.

Ron felt Hermione's pulse increasing rapidly. Her forehead was damp. Her breathing was irregular. Ron started panicking. He scooped her up and apparated them to the doorsteps of St. Mungo's.

He rushed through the glass double doors and went to the first person he saw.

"Please help me! I don't know what's wrong with her," Ron pleaded with the person in white.

"Oh my! Let me have a look at her, young man. Place her on that bed in that room through there and I'll see to her immediately."

Ron took her to the room on his left and gently laid her down.

"Everything will be okay Hermione. I love you," Ron whispered in her ear and gave a gentle, sweet kiss on her head.

A healer entered the room. Ron hadn't noticed.

"Okay, young man, it looks like she's going into shock. We need to stabilise her," the healer said after a quick empirical observation. "Go on and wait in the waiting room. I will keep you updated."

He did so reluctantly but called in reinforcements. His entire family occupied the waiting room, minus Fred. Harry stood with Ginny. Clutching each other, seeking comfort. Everything was still so raw. With Hermione's collapse, everyone was frantically but patiently waiting in the now inundated, white waiting room.

…

"Draco Malfoy, you are free go home. Rest up and continue to apply this ointment to your burns. By tomorrow it should be healed. You can change while your mother comes with me to sign your discharge papers," Healer Watson explained.

"Thank you, Healer Watson. I'll accompany you to the clerk's desk," Narcissa Malfoy told the healer.

She then turned to her son. "Draco, I'll get you there or would you prefer I fetch you here?" she asked him.

"Mother go on. I'll meet you there in a few," Draco said quietly.

They left him to change and as he did so, he had the first opportunity to look at himself in the mirror. His normally gelled and greasy hair was now all over the place. It was slightly longer than his normal length. His face looked like it wore all his terrible memories.

He sighed and began shuffling toward the door. He opened and closed it soundly. He began his slow walk to find his mother. He had to pass two other patients' rooms. He glanced half-heartedly into the rooms. He halted when he peered into the second room.

There she lay. Unconscious. She looked pale. She looked dead. He shook the thought from his mind. She wouldn't be here in this room if she were dead. Other than looking like the angel of death would visit her shortly, she looked the same. Curly, slightly less unruly mop of brown hair with lighter undertones that were brought out when the sunlight graced her with its beams. Petite figure and a bit thinner than usual. Elegant hands that not too long ago was defending her and all the wizarding world's lives.

He was so busy observing her, he didn't notice chocolate brown eyes fluttering open to look straight at him at the door, where he was staring at her.

When he did notice, he was startled but didn't show it. Apparently, his body was not up to showing emotions or reactions. He was grateful for his default disposition.

She just stared at him. He stared back at her. Their exchange held a tangible thread.

The first domino was set in motion.

 **Edit:30.10.2018**

 _A/N: This is my first attempt at writing anything. I will not be offended at all but try to be kind. This is also a gift to myself as I'm 27 today.:). I hope you find pleasure in this piece of my soul. Ha ha. My own horcrux. This will be 9 chapters long plus an epilogue._

 _Canon up until the epilogue so please make your own assumptions about the ending._

 _Disclaimer: All recognisable characters, plots, etc. do not belong to me. This is my manipulation of J.K Rowling's characters. They belong and will always belong to her._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

" _ **The measure of intelligence is the ability to change."**_

― **Albert Einstein**

 **1 September 1998**

The Malfoys stood closely together on Platform 9 ¾. They were receiving hostile glares from the other occupants on the platform. As historically slippery as Lucius Malfoy was, and again proven, he could not dodge all the consequences. The Malfoys dodged a stint in Azkaban but they have not escaped the scorn of the public.

"Draco, do you see why you need to marry Lady Astoria?"

"Yes, Father."

"I know she's a bit loose in her values, but she has a good reputation with _these_ people. I am willing to endure what I must to ensure our revival of our name," Draco's father went on.

"I am quite aware of what you are willing to do to survive, Father," Draco said snidely.

Draco had had to endure humiliation, fear, terror, murder, fiendfyre and now public shunning. This was due to his father's need to remain pure and superior. Draco had quite a bit of time to think and rehash all those horrible memories. From that muggle studies professor's death to the mudblood's,no, muggleborn's torture in his own home.

No, house. Not home. That place was not his home anymore. The Dark Lord tarnished that building and it will never be his home again.

Despite his resentment towards his father, he knew he would have probably done the same if he was in his father's position. They all shared the same ideals for centuries. The same motto. _Sancitimonia Vincet Semper_ , Purity Will Always Conquer. From Armand Malfoy, this was the doctrine of their family. Nine centuries later, it is a major task to change a motto, to change their values.

Draco had four months to mull over things, memories, ideals, prejudices, racism, war, conflict, death and love. Yes, love. Love was a pivotal driving force in his family even though from the outside it looked like love was a foreign concept. Lucius Malfoy was a conniving, slippery snake but there is nothing he would not do for his family. It did not only have to do with their family name, though Lucius still held that in high regard. Lucius loved his family dearly. It became quite evident in his actions in the past year.

"Draco, watch your tongue!" Narcissa Malfoy said sharply.

The regal beauty that was his mother, glared at him. His mother was blindingly beautiful and sophisticated. Where Lucius portrayed power, she was the class of their family. It was a formidable vision. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. Power, class and wealth.

It did not help them in the past year.

In the final battle, love for each other helped them survive. Narcissa lied to the Dark Lord. She lied to the Dark Lord! She knew the only way her family would be safe again was for Harry Potter to win. So,yes,she lied. Due to that, their entire family was spared Azkaban.

It probably also helped that Draco did not actually murder Albus Dumbledore. It helped that he did not identify the three musketeers when they were brought in by the snatchers. It had bought them time and they had escaped.

His father offered as much information as possible to aid the ministry in capturing the errand Death Eaters. Including finding out that Granger's parents were horrifically murdered by his ever-lovely aunt Bellatrix. The same woman who tortured the Granger girl in the Malfoy drawing room. That Weasley woman did the world a favour by killing his deranged aunt.

"Yes, Mother," Draco said quietly and with a hint of frustration.

"Now go along. Owl us when you get to Hogwarts," with a kiss on his cheek, his mother manoeuvred him towards the Hogwarts Express.

"I love you, Draco."

"You too, Mother," Draco said as he walked towards one of the train's doors.

As he walked towards the door, away from his parents, Draco noticed a couple. They seemed to be having a very intense moment. The ginger haired boy was holding the girl by her shoulders and talking very sincerely. He seemed to be looking to reassure her. She looked up into his eyes and seemed to want to explain something to him but was failing, which was something as the girl was Hermione Granger, Hogwarts' resident know-it-all.

"I'm not sure what happens now."

"Nothing. Nothing happens. You and I will just complete this year and hopefully be whole by next year."

"Isn't that slightly naïve?" she enquired.

"Probably but there's always hope. And that got us through last time, "Ron caressed her cheek and lowered his lips to hers.

The kiss was exactly like their relationship, sweet and passionate. It was a chaste one, but she felt it down to her toes. Her heartbeat sped up and by the time she opened her eyes she was inhaling rapidly. If that wasn't proof that they were perfect for each other, no other form of evidence would be enough.

Ron, despite his own losses, was her rock in the past four months. They were together all the time. They slept in the same room at Grimmauld Place. He chased away her dreams more often than not and when he couldn't, he rocked her to sleep and allowed her to soak his t-shirts with her never ending tears.

He distracted her and comforted her. How she was going to survive Hogwarts without him, is a task she had not figured out yet. Hermione Granger was always independent. Her parents instilled that in her. Financially, she was secured. They made sure of it. But emotionally, she needed Ron like a new born baby needs his mother. It was unhealthy, but she could not cut the proverbial umbilical cord. He helped her take her breaths, he helped her live. Ronald Weasley was her source of strength.

Now she had to let go but before she could do that she hugged him so tightly. She was absorbing him. His strength, his love, his hope.

She had her eyes closed during the embrace, and with her arms still firmly around Ron, she opened her eyes.

She saw him, again.

Staring right at them with his liquid silver eyes.

Domino. Plunk.

Hermione was startled and reacted accordingly. She let go of Ron, with a slightly embarrassed blush, and said good bye. She hugged Harry, and with Luna and Ginny, hopped on the Hogwarts express for her final journey.

Once the three girls, with Neville included, who joined them shortly after boarding the train, was settled, the four friends were chatting and catching up. Though, honestly, there was not much to catch up on. Their conversation turned to what changes they thought Hogwarts had made. Ginny was made Head Girl. Hermione turned down the offer. She just wanted to focus on school this year. Nothing else. No distractions.

This year will be her breathing room to heal and grow. Hopefully when the year was over, she would be ready to go back to Ron. With no drama to hamper her healing, the probability was high.

With all these thoughts swirling in her ever-busy mind, Hermione Granger sped towards Hogwarts ready to start her year of academics, friendships and healing.

Nothing else.

 **Edit:31.10.2018**

 _Disclaimer: All recognisable characters, plots, etc. do not belong to me. This is my manipulation of J.K Rowling's characters. They belong and will always belong to her._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

" _ **Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."**_

― **Dorothy Thompson**

 **March 1998**

 _The room came into view from where she lay. The room was vast but dark and depressing. It held the murky feeling of evil. In fact, it flowed into the room like black pus. She lay in the centre of the room, like an act on display, for entertainment purposes. Fear and the realisation that death was imminent clogged her endocrine system._

 _Terrified did not begin to describe how afraid she felt._

 _Hermione, though, was a bright young witch. She knew this was a distinct possibility when she joined Harry Potter on his quest to rid the world of Voldemort. However, the knowledge did not diminish the terror racing through her veins._

" _Awwww, she's crying. Draco,Draco,look she's crying."_

 _Laughter of a woman experiencing top tier delight, vibrated through the walls of the Malfoy Manor drawing room._

 _Bellatrix Lestrange was the epitome of everyone's nightmares. She represented the image muggles conjure up when they think of witches. She personified the wicked witch they thought all magical entities, that wore pointed hats,were. She made your blood run cold and your heart stop then race at lightning speed._

 _Hermione could not focus on any other of the occupants in the room. She had been cruciod three times already. The feeling of helplessness settled in, survival was not on the radar. She was praying, praying to all the Gods that Harry and Ron would escape. In her mind, this torture would end shortly. They knew what to do, they can do it without her. They had to. Someone had to kill this sick, twisted wicked person cowering over her currently. Hermione hoped she had done all she could for her friends and for the wizarding community. But she –_

" _Crucio," Bellatrix whispered with venom drenching the words and a wicked, insane smile on her lips._

 _Hermione's screams blasted through the entire Manor. Over and over again._

" _Mudbloods must know their know their place,don't you agree Draco? " Bellatrix asked the pale blond boy._

" _Yes, aunt Bella," he answered._

" _You see, little mudblood, you deserve this. It's only fair, wouldn't you say?" the crazy witch rambled on. "Prancing through Britain, thinking you belong here because of Potter?"_

" _No, no, no. He can't help you now. He cannot stop what I'm going to do to you. You will be my example to him, to all the wizarding world."_

" _Ah ha! I'll brand you! Mudblood,mudblood. You will be branded like the low class filth you are. Cissy, isn't it a brilliant plan?" she asked her beautiful sister._

" _Sure Bella,try not to mess on the floor."_

 _Bellatrix cackled._

" _So funny, so funny. So let's begin. Let's see M-U-D-…"_

 **11 September 1998**

"Hermione,Hermione wake up!" Ginny Weasley screamed at her friend.

Hermione was still in that drawing room, screaming her lungs out. She still saw that wretched woman's face. She was still about to die. She was captured in that terrifying moment until Ginny took matters into her own hands. She took the empty glass on the pedestal and waved her wand whilst saying,

" _Aguamenti,"_ the glass filled up and Ginny promptly threw it over her friend.

Hermione gasped when she felt the cold water splash over her face and soak her hair.

The water did the trick. It woke Hermione Granger up from the nightmares that has periodically been haunting her for the past four months. But it did not scare away how she felt. Her body was awake but her mind held onto the way she was feeling in her nightmare. Petrified.

She pulled up her arm and saw the word in furious red. It urged a violent panic attack on.

She started hyperventilating and crying. Hysteria was settling in.

"Hermione, calm down please. She is not here. She's dead. Bellatrix is dead."

That name did not shock her out of her frenzy. It seemed to aggravate her emotions. She started shaking, and a damp film started appearing on her forehead. She was having a panic attack.

"Hermione, Hermione please! What can I do, what can I do?" Ginny Weasley pleaded.

Hermione was making such a racket, she started waking up the other occupants of the eighth year dormitory.

"Ginny I'm going to get Madam Pomfrey." Neville said hastily before he ran off.

Ginny Weasley vaguely heard him. She was fixated on Hermione. She was at a loss. She did not know what to do. She had her share of nightmares as well. She saw Fred in her dreams frequently but this, this was something else.

Hermione had lost touch with reality. She was not even here. Ginny couldn't reach her logical friend and she was beginning to panic as well.

This was one of the few times Ginny could not reach her. These dreams were becoming worse. She wished Ron was here to help Hermione.

"Ginny, I need Ron. Get me Ron. He can help,he can help. I need him, He can make me feel safe, please,please,please. Ginny,Ginny,please!" Hermione pleaded.

"Hermione,Ron's away at Auror Training. I can't get hold of him-"

"No!I need him now. Right now!" Hermione shouted. She just wanted this feeling to stop.

"Hermione,please,you're being unreasonable,please calm down."

"No,no,no,no…" she started gasping for air like she could not get enough.

"What on earth is going on here?"

"Madam Pomfrey I think she's having a panic attack. She can't seem to breathe,please help her!" Ginny felt panicked as she witnessed her usually strong friend, go to pieces.

"Miss Granger, I am going to give you a sleeping draught. It will help you calm down and sleep without any nightmares," Madam Pomfrey explained while administering the potion.

In a moment or two Hermione's whimpers and pleads stopped and there was silence let out a sigh of relief and went back to bed.

Hermione Granger did not know it but she had an audience.

"Mental,bloody mental!" Pansy Parkinson said in a frustrated whisper.

"Wakes the whole bloody place but of course _she_ can. Golden Trio my ass!" she continued.

"Pansy,give it a rest," Draco said.

"What?You're okay with her frequent bouts of screaming at ungodly hours of the morning?"

"No, but we all have them. We all deal with it differently. The mudblood,uhm, muggleborn clearly isn't as strong as she portrays herself to be. Be assured that you are clearly stronger. Finally something you are better than her at," Draco explained.

That silenced her. They all went back to their rooms and tried to fall asleep again.

The eighth years had a wing entirely to themselves this year. Only ten students returned. Draco, Pansy, Blaise, Theo and Goyle all returned. They shared a dormitory with the other eighth year students who were from the other houses. That Longbottom, the Patil twins, the irish twit that blows things up just by looking at them and the mud-muggleborn. The Weaslette was forced to join the eighth year dormitory due to her friend's frequent nightmares. So technically they were eleven.

The joint eighth year dormitory was McGonagall's initiative. Stupid unity nonsense. Now everyone was subjected to the screeches of the bushy haired know-it-all.

It was not a daily occurrence. It happened on average twice a week. For the month of September,so far,everyone had to adjust to this new way of living.

Besides that, Hogwarts was pretty much the same. Draco Malfoy took more interest in his schoolwork this year. He studied quite frequently and was hoping to become a potions master in order to take over the potions division in his father's company. It was something, or rather the only thing motivating him these days.

Like Granger, he also had his nightmares. Though not as vocal, they definitely left an aftermath when he opened his eyes in the morning. It set the tone to his day. On these particular days, he would be extra grouchy and unbearable. So much so, his friends avoided him. So yes, he sympathised with Granger. He knew how she felt, to an extent.

Today, Friday, he had a class later in the day. After lunch, which allowed him to sleep in. Draco wandered to their common room and took a moment to study it.

It looked like every other common room, he supposed. However, it did not represent any of the Hogwarts houses. The walls had a soft, dove grey background with placid blue patterns on the wallpaper. With hints of cream. The drapes were placid blue as well. There were a few cream shaggy rugs scattered here and there and the couches were quite luxurious. It looked rather matured and stylish. It suited the stage in their lives.

The eighth years also had their own kitchen, in case they felt they did not want to dine with the rest of the school. Which in Draco's case, was quite often.

He walked into the kitchen and found Granger sitting at one of the counters on a bar stool.

Damn, he forgot, they both had the morning off.

The kitchen was black with stainless steel. Black cupboards, with stainless steel tops with an island in the centre. She was seated there, studying her cup of coffee intently. She clearly had not noticed his arrival. Draco walked to the cereal dispenser and got him some cereal.

The sound of the cereal dispenser turning startled Hermione. She started and turned to see who it was. Her heartbeat sped up. She still gets a fright for sounds that she was not aware of. These days those occurrences were often.

"My goodness, you scared me half to death!"

"If only it were that simple, "Draco replied sarcastically. He wanted to add the mudblood but he thought better of it. His father would not appreciate him hindering the revival of the Malfoy name. Infuriating one of the Golden Trio would not help them get into the good graces of the public. And really she wasn't _that_ in his eyes changes your perception. Or rather clarifies it.

"Ha ha, hilarious, Malfoy," she replied in her usual feisty manner.

Hermione Granger lost herself only at night. During the day, she was the witch everyone knew and loved. Everyone except him, of course.

"I've been meaning to ask you, what's with all the staring?" Hermione asked him bluntly.

"What staring?" he spat.

"You know at the hospital and on the train platform when I was talking to Ron," Hermione explained.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he said with an air condensation.

"Are you saying I was imagining it? On two occasions?" Hermione asked sharply.

"Well, you are a bit mental these days. It wouldn't surprise me, " he said. His intention was to be cruel. He caught the flash of hurt in her brown eyes.

"It would be appreciated if you try not to subject us to all your constant nagging 's quite pathetic," he said haughtily this and stalked off.

Hermione was left staring at his back this time, speechless.

…

" _ **She was like a drowning person, flailing, reaching for anything that might save her. Her life was an urgent, desperate struggle to justify her life."**_

 **Jonathan Safran Foer**

 **16 October 1998**

 _A/N: Sexual themes ahead!_

"So how are things?" Ginny asked her best friend. She sat down on her bed.

"It's going well. Why?" she replied.

"Well, let's see, your dreams occur on average three times a week now and you just pretend it's a small affliction. You don't want help, you don't want me to tell my brother or my boyfriend. I'm at a loss. You need help Hermione!" Ginny cried out in a rush.

Hermione looked at her friend, her mouth slightly open, due to shock. She then closed it and went to sit next to Ginny. She took both of Ginny's hands and said;

"The dreams, or rather nightmares, are getting worse. You're right. I didn't want to admit it. During the day, I mostly pretend I'm okay. But at night I lose control. Ron usually helped me. Not completely but more than anything or anyone. But he needs to live his life and he won't if he knows I'm suffering. He'll leave all his dreams behind for me and because I love him, I can't allow him to do that. I need to navigate my own storms now, " Hermione finished.

"But what have you been telling him in your letters," Ginny asked, slightly tilting her head to the right.

"Oh, I've been painting a glorious picture. And I know, I know. It's wrong to be deceitful but one day, I'll tell him. But right now, I need to fix myself, so that when we are together, we can be a healthy couple. Well, as healthy as possible. This year is giving me the perfect opportunity. It's just a pity about the snakes we have to see every day," Hermione said.

Hermione was all for rehabilitation and house unity. In fact, it's something she strongly believed in but these _people_ were horrible. All they did was complain. Whilst they were not as bad as before, they sucked the life out of the room and they just could not mix with the rest of them. It was unbearable sometimes.

Pansy Parkinson was the absolute worst! She was always glaring at us. Once, Hermione overheard her talking to Blaise, saying how utterly disappointed she was that Voldemort had not succeeded. That Voldemort let his obsession with Potter hinder and ultimately ruin the plan. She had said they needed a new leader. A leader who could actually execute their plan.

It infuriated Hermione to no end because every person had lost so much in the war and the only consolidation is that the light side had won. But if people were still thinking like that then one day another Voldemort would show up and casualties, pain, torture and death would be experienced once again. It was unthinkable.

The ministry needed to think of something or they would be back to where they were in May.

"I know what you mean. They lurk and make me feel so uncomfortable. Though Blaise and Malfoy are not so bad anymore. I actually spoke to Blaise now the other day. Quite insightful," Ginny said in a matter of fact tone.

"Cannot say the same unfortunately. Malfoy called me mental back in September. He is still so hateful. I thought, he of all people, would change. With all his seen. The fact that he hasn't, really just upsets me so. Like the war and all we've lost was for no reason," Hermione was starting to get worked up so she changed the topic.

"So how are things with Harry?"

"Oh, you know, I miss him terribly. With the constant danger last year, right now I wish I could see him constantly. But with auror training, that is not possible. Though, in June, we plan to take a long holiday and spend every second with each other. You and Ron can join us!" Ginny jumped up excitedly.

"Definitely! I'll mention it to Ron," Hermione said. She felt lighter now that she spoke to Ginny.

The nightmares were getting out of hand and she's been using the sleeping potions more often these days. Madam Pomfrey said she needed to try and cope without the potion as it is quite addictive. She has tried, and that's when she was visited by that bitch, Bellatrix. Her mind just was in shambles. She was so afraid to sleep. If she did not have the potion, she would just stay up. The next day she'd have to use a glamour because she looked horrid and she honestly did not want her friends more concerned about her than they already were.

Hermione, like Ginny, was at a loss. Everyone was moving on. Look at Ginny? They still had emotional bouts but they were becoming rarer. Moving on did not mean they have forgotten, they have just learnt to live with it but Hermione was not anywhere near that point.

Ginny and Hermione left for breakfast after their talk and as they left the common room, they saw Malfoy and a pretty raven haired witch in the kitchen. Both women glanced at each other, wondering who she was.

…

"Draco, please give me this year to be myself and free. Our parents are ridiculous to expect us to be married so quickly. I want to date and be a teenager. I do not want to be tied down. Not this year. I think you share my sentiments?" the girl said.

"Tori, I could not have said it better, " said one Draco Malfoy.

Astoria Greengrass was a petite little pixie. Her hair was raven black but chopped to a length just above her chin. It went with her porcelain skin and ice blue eyes. It really suited her came across as blunt and bubbly. She was not like the other pureblood debutantes. She actually had a personality. Tori, as Draco called her, was intent on having a career and she wanted to enjoy her youth. She was forthright. She could play her games like any other conniving, slytherin but she was intelligent enough to choose her battles. She was perfect.

"But just to show me what I'll be getting, give me a teaser."

She pulled him by the shirt so that his body was flush up against hers. For a little thing, she was quite strong. She looked up at him, as he was a head taller than her, while fisting the bottom of his shirt with both of her hands. She waited for him to make the move. And he did.

He bent down and captured her soft lips with his. He wasted no time with finesse. He used his tongue to pry open her mouth. Once he gained access he massaged her tongue with his while allowing his hands to roam all over her body.

They were caressing each other and the kiss was slowly becoming more. They were devouring each other. She started unbuttoning his shirt and he was lifting up her school skirt until it was bunched up to her waist. She pushed his shirt off and it hit the floor. He grasped her legs and hoisted her onto the stainless steel counter. With her legs exposed, he was enjoying the soft skin of her thigh. She kissed his neck. First nibbling then sucking so hard, it must have left a mark. He became more daring as he went closer to the source of her heat. He checked to see if she was ready.

She was.

He got rid of the barrier and went to his knees. Her hands were woven in his hair. Her panting becoming more ragged.

He kissed her thighs and ended up by his true destination. He blew over her entrance and it elicited a groan from above. He started kissing her as he would her mouth and she was starting to lose it.

He continued for a few minutes before using his tongue to penetrate her whilst using his thumb to bring her over the edge.

Astoria shouted out loud. It was a good thing everyone was at breakfast.

"Does that satisfy your curiosity?" he asked her while licking his lips as he got up.

"Definitely, " Astoria giggled.

"I look forward to our wedding night," she jumped off the counter. "Oh hello Granger, hope I wasn't too loud," she giggled and walked off. Her undies left in the corner, forgotten.

Granger! What the-

"That was completely unsanitary!" she fumed. "How the hell could you be doing that, with a sixteen year old, I may add, in a place we all have to use?"

Draco was still in shock. It took him a while to reply.

"The others won't mind. We all aren't prudes like you are," he looked at her, straight into her luminous brown eyes. "A simple _scourgify_ will your panties."

She huffed and started pacing before launching into her speech.

"I am not a prude! Why the hell do you people think that? Don't you idiots know it's the ones who read a lot that have the best imagination?" she said, in frustration.

"It could be because you walk around with a fucking stick up your arse. If you were getting fucked every now and then, you'd relax a bit more," Draco said.

She stopped pacing and stood in front of him, a few feet away.

"Just because I don't shag anything with a cock, yes, I said it, you son of a bitch, doesn't mean I am a prude!" she literally shouted.

Draco looked at her with a contemplative gleam in his eyes.

"Prove it."

"W-what?"

"Prove it. I know for a fact you have no commitments, currently. I have, one would say, a break from mine till next year June, so prove it. Right here, right now," he closed the distance until one step separated them, leaving the final decision, the final step up to her.

"How?"

"Use your imagination."

She could feel his breath on her face. He smelled clean and enticing. She saw exactly what he did to that girl. Maybe he could help her, maybe…

Hermione's mind short circuited. She took out her wand,went to the kitchen door and whispered,

" _Colloportus."_

The door locked with an audible click.

 _Disclaimer: Still belongs to the genius that is J.K Rowling._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

 _ **Love comes from the heart, lust comes …lower.  
– Teresa Mummert**_

 _A/N: Do not read if you are under age. Sexually explicit themes ahead. You have been warned!_

 **16 October 1998**

"Oh gods, Ginny, I need to get my bag. Go on ahead, I'll be there in five minutes," Hermione said.

She turned around before Ginny had a chance to say anything and walked back to the common room.

"Forgiveness." The current password.

As she entered the foyer area, she heard female moans coming from the kitchen.

The kitchen's door was left ajar.

She peered inside and her eyes widened as she discovered what the couple was doing.

Draco Malfoy was on his knees, between that raven girl's thighs and they both were clearly enjoying it. She was moaning and had her hands in his blonde hair. Her moans seemed out of control and she cried out. Hermione assumed she had just orgasmed.

He got up and said, "Did that satisfy your curiosity?"

"Definitely."

Hermione forgot to move away in time because the girl came to the door and said something about not being too loud and walked off, leaving Hermione dumbfounded.

She went in for the kill.

"That was completely unsanitary! How the hell could you be doing that, with a sixteen-year-old, I may add, in a place we all have to use?"

He looked like he was in a bit of shock.

That quickly dissipated.

"The others won't mind. We all aren't prudes like you are."

Oh, the nerve! She started pacing.

"I am not a prude! Why the hell do you people think that? Don't you idiots know it's the ones who read a lot that have the best imagination?" she said.

There, there she told him.

"It could be because you walk around with a fucking stick up your arse. If you were getting fucked every now and then, you'd relax a bit more," the asshole said.

She stopped pacing. She looked straight into his eyes with fire and conviction.

"Just because I don't shag anything with a cock, yes, I said it, you son of a bitch, doesn't mean I am a prude!" she shouted.

Then his eyes did something that made her falter.

A thoughtfulness crossed his grey eyes, almost like a reflection.

Like he was struck by an idea.

"Prove it," he challenged.

"W-what?" she stammered.

"Prove it. I know for a fact you have no commitments, currently. I have, one would say, a break from mine till next year June, so prove it. Right here, right now," he moved forward, invading her space but still left some space between them.

"How?" she feigned ignorance and was so glad that her voice was calm and strong.

"Use your imagination." The asshole was using her words against her.

She could smell him, and he smelled like sex. Her mind went on holiday. She closed the space between them, stood a bit on her toes and kissed him.

Yes, Hermione Granger had finally snapped. And what a glorious way to lose her sanity.

To say Draco Malfoy was shocked was the understatement of the year. He was goading her, mainly because he was still aroused by what just happened with Tori and secondly because she was irritating the shit out of him with her holier than thou attitude.

He did not expect what she did next and he should have been disgusted but when her lips collided with his, he felt anything but disgust.

As soon as their lips touched, he felt it.

A stirring, a connection, a melding. A second later he was compelled to respond.

He kissed with all his frustration that he felt for her. He cupped her face and plundered his tongue into her mouth.

In, out, in, out.

He was fucking her mouth. She revelled in the feeling. She was becoming so aroused, she felt she could and would explode. Her panties were undeniably soaked, and he had just kissed her. He hadn't even touched any other part of her. But he was getting to that.

He moved his hands to her shoulders and started rubbing her arms, all the while not breaking their sensual kiss. Next, he explored her breasts, over her clothes. He was pleasantly surprised. He halted the snogging and turned her around so that her back was touching his chest. He started kissing her neck while simultaneously untucking her shirt out of her skirt.

She put both her hands flat on the counter and absorbed every feeling he was forcing her to feel. His hands caressed her abdomen and became adventurous as he headed north in a slow, languorous fashion. He reached her breast. He massaged them over her bra. All while sucking the life out of her neck.

She was moaning now.

She started reaching behind her. She could feel his erection. She, in an awkward fashion, massaged the hard, long member that was behind her. Draco had his chance to moan now.

He managed to flap open the cups of her bra so that he could access her breasts. He fingered her nipples and it was erotic as hell because he was only feeling, not seeing.

While playing with her nipples with his right hand, the left ventured south. Granger was wet, and he gave her a gift and massaged that very sensitive nub. She rocked backed against him.

He turned her around, started kissing her, while unbuttoning her school shirt. He threw it to the ground once he was finished with all the buttons. Hmmm, blue and lacy. It was lovely, but it too had to go. And pop, the bra joined the shirt.

Hermione's mind was going at warp speed. She was busy undoing his trousers. She made quick work of it and his boxers. They both ended up pooled by his ankles.

He broke their kiss to remove her panties and skirt. She was naked, and he could not wait to have her.

"On your knees."

What the fuck?

"No," she said simply.

"You had trouble with me being unsanitary on the counters, so get down on your knees so I can fuck you."

"Please," he added.

His conviction and huskiness took her aback. She did as he requested. He grasped her hair and pulled her up and whispered into her ear,

"I'm going to fuck you, hard. Be prepared."

Hermione shivered in anticipation.

He entered her, from behind.

Hmmm, not a virgin.

She was soaked, so it made the act easy and very pleasurable. She may not have been a virgin, but she was still very tight. Draco had to calm himself before he continued.

.

Then he started thrusting, hard and fast.

Oh God! Yes!

For someone with an extensive vocabulary, these were the recurrent words streaming through her mind. Her mind was completely switched off. Her body was her only working mechanism and it was working. Over time!

She had never felt such a sensory overload. It wasn't that he was good or big or whatever stupid things the bints at Hogwarts kept saying about him, it was that he seemed to take great care in her pleasure. It seemed to pleasure him.

Their moans were getting more frequent and the end was building.

With one thrust, Hermione saw stars. Her body was exploding at every nerve end and she collapsed with Draco on top of her.

Their breathing erratic, she managed to ask.

"Did you…?" She tried to look behind her at him.

He smirked.

"I did."

Her voiced seemed to recharge him, he got up, got dressed and said, "I was wrong."

Then he left.

He was wrong about what? She thought to herself while getting dressed, very quickly mind you.

Then the realisation dawned on her, she smiled slyly.

…

" _ **Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death"**_

 **Coco Chanel**

Hermione's sly smile froze in place.

Then she began unravelling.

The guilt barrelled into her. She had just cheated on Ron in a most unholy manner. She had just had sex with Draco Malfoy without any protest. She just acted like a wanton, vile slut!

'What is happening to me, what is happening to me?' she thought over and over again.

Hermione Granger, brightest witch of her age had lost her marbles. She had lost the plot. Now she had lost her morals as well. She allowed him to defile her on the kitchen floor! She did not stop him in any way! What type of respectable witch would succumb to the wiles of a sadistic cockroach? A damn ferret!

'Because it felt so good.' A little, deceitful voice said in her head.

It felt good? It felt good? How the hell does that justify it at all? She had sex with a male specimen that did not even bat an eye, when she was screaming her lungs out, while being tortured by the male in question's aunt, no less. He was still vile to her every single day. He might not openly call her a mudblood but she could see his perception of her in his eyes.

That cruel, cold grey eyes. If possible, the war had made him more unyielding. How could she have allowed him to touch her like that? Her mind could not reconcile what had just happened and what she was thinking right now? Had she stooped so low? That any form of distraction would do? Is this what she would become? Is this why she survived? This cannot be her life. This cannot be all there is.

How was she supposed to go back to Ron with this on her conscious? Make love to him knowing she had the most mind blowing sex with the platinum blonde ferret? Ron would never forgive her. No one would ever forgive her. She did not think she could ever forgive herself. Once she came back down from the high, she felt so disgusted with herself. She felt like she let her late parents down by disgracing herself like this. By letting that man touch her so intimately. She had always associated such intimacy with love.

Love was not at all present today. It was pure, animalistic, primal and utterly unbridled lust. She did not know where it came from. She never felt like this with Ron. It was always a warm built up. With patience, love and respect. They made slow and passionate love. Most of the time their position would be missionary. Not whatever the hell that was today. What the hell was that position today?

It made her feel so exposed and he touched parts in her she did not even know existed. Hermione had completely forgotten who she was, who he was, what she kept seeing in her nightmares, her parents' death, she forgot everything. It worked better than the potions Madam Pomfrey gave her.

Hermione checked herself in the foyer mirror to see if she looked presentable. She had a large love bite in her neck. She went to her bedroom to grab her Gryffindor scarf to cover up the mark. She was already twenty minutes late for breakfast. She did not have time to cast a glamour. It was luckily cold, so the scarf would not be questioned.

…

What the fuck was that?

Draco Malfoy rustled out of the eighth-year common room as quickly as possible. What demon from hell just possessed him now? That could not have been him. He would never have done _that_ with her! He just wanted to annoy her, not shag the non-prude until they nearly died of a heart attack!

He had to admit it was an extremely explosive experience.

Though it made sense. They always had a violent, if not passionate, relationship, for lack of a better word. From his threats in second year, to that painful slap in third year. There had always been fire between the two of them. It is not actually a surprise that the sex was bloody amazing!

He wondered how he could get her in that position again, with a devious smirk on his lips.

…

 **December 1998**

December came in full swing with Christmas to boot. Everyone was going home except Hermione. She just was not in the mood to be festive. To be quite honest she was quite possibly clinically depressed as the muggles would have diagnosed it.

She was completely guilt ridden in addition to her listless way of life, ever since her encounter with _that_ person. She could not find it in her logical mind to find a reason to forgive herself and that was the kicker. She could not find a reason and that did not bode well for her sanity.

Ginny was of course going home despite the absence of Harry and Ron. Hermione's pathetic excuse for remaining behind was that she needed to study. She told the red head that her lack of sleep had heavily affected her academics. She was so convincing, she would have believed herself as well.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home with me? I honestly don't think it would be a good idea for you to be here alone. What if you have another panic attack?"

"I have my potions. Don't worry. Go be with your family."

"They are your family as well, you know. You're not alone."

"Oh Ginny, I know that. I just, just let me have my time. Please."

"Sure honey. But know that we all love you. You are my sister. Always. I just worry. You are not getting better and I feel helpless. Maybe you should go see those head healers?" Ginny enquired.

It was not that she had not thought about it but with the added treachery of sleeping with Malfoy, she really did not want to speak to a stranger about it. Anyway, talking about it, would make it hard for her to ignore the deed and the person during the day.

At night it was another story.

Added to her visits from Bellatrix, she now had dreams about Ron finding out what she did and the look of betrayal on his face was driving her up the wall. So, she tried her best not to sleep as much. To be honest she was wasting away. She could not seem to get a handle on herself.

The last time she felt in control was when she was with _him._

Draco Malfoy, though, has been completely ignoring her existence. Not that she cared. That would never happen again.

But he would not look at her or greet her like the others did. He pointedly ignored her. They haven't even spoken about the incident and no matter how messed up Hermione was, she needed to talk about her issues. At least with him, he knew everything. No secrets from him. But no, not an inch.

Heartless, cold bastard.

He has avoided being alone with her and it was really making her feel wretched. In the common room he occupied himself with anyone else. He even speaks normally to Ginny! But he blatantly ignores Hermione, like the damn plague.

Draco Malfoy knew what he was doing. The fact that she has not put the incident to bed, so to speak, would drive her crazy. And that fury, that anger is what he would use to propel her into his bed, well if they get to the bed this time.

He knew how her mind worked, even as messed up as she seemed to be these days. He knew her. Had been studying her for years mainly because she was supposed to be inferior but seemed to prove him wrong in every way. It could be said, he was waiting for her to fuck up. She never did though. It could be seen as an unhealthy obsession with her but to Draco Malfoy it was just a gathering of information, of an enemy, through observation.

So this is why he was confident that what he wanted from her would be within his grasps soon.

On Christmas Eve, the eighth-year common room was deserted. She breathed a sigh of relief. No need to pretend anymore. She went to the kitchen to bring out the firewhiskey she bought earlier in the week. She'd try another approach to her mental problem tonight. She needed to sleep, and she was becoming resistant to the potions. Maybe this could help.

Hermione went for the first, second, third and by the fourth, she felt the buzz.

She felt warm and giddy. Something she had not felt in a while. She revelled in the feeling. Enjoying the leave of her constant anxiety.

"My,my,my is the Gryffindor princess getting knackered?"

Oh, for fucks sake! Why is he here?

"Hello Malfoy. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Oh, this is too good," he laughed.

"Well, if you must know, which you probably must know, know-it-all that you are, I am not going home because I really do not want to be reminded of the Dark Lord," Draco admitted, though still in an arrogant manner.

"Oh," was all she said.

"Oh indeed."

"So you're talking to me now? Not avoiding me?" she asked him bluntly.

"Whoever gave you that idea?" he feigned ignorance way too well.

"Oh please! You know exactly what I'm talking about, you little ferret!" she said in rush.

"Little?" he asked knowingly.

Hermione blushed.

"That is not what I was referring to."

"But was _it_ little, Granger?" he went on.

"I will not dignify that with an answer."

He laughed loud and hard.

Hermione just stared at him. He never laughed like this before. Well, not in her presence. He was always looking murderous, disgusted or smirking. He actually looked appealing like this.

Woah, okay she was putting a stop to the alcohol if her thoughts were going in that direction.

"Are we alone here?"

"Er, I don't know."

"You must be far gone if you're admitting you don't know something."

"I admit when I don't know something. It's just rare that I'm ever wrong."

"Arrogance is quite attractive on you. "

Alright, that was not flirting? Was it?

"Okay, I'm off to bed, Malfoy. G'nite."

Hermione, in a very ungraceful manner, made her way to her room. As she left the common room, she heard him laugh again. She couldn't help but smile.

 _Disclaimer: All belongs to the great and powerful J.K Rowling._

 _A special thank you to_ _Lena2244_ _,_ _SereniteRose_ _and_ _ForsakenKalika_ _for taking the time to review. I appreciate every favourite and follow. If you pick up any mistakes, please pm me._

 _Read and review please. It will make the updates faster._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

" _ **When you think your life is falling apart, it's usually falling together in disguise."**_

 **Charlotte Eriksson**

 **December 1998**

He assumed it was due to her prevalent occupation of his mind these days that he dreamt of her that night. In the beginning he frequently dreamt of that day but he viewed it as just another nightmare of the war. Tonight, however, his dream, or rather nightmare, was laced with a different texture.

It reeked of sadism and for the first time, Draco was utterly disgusted by his aunt's actions that night.

" _Crucio."_

 _Her screams bounced through the drawing room and Aunt Bellatrix's cackles hissed through his family's drawing room._

" _I don't know, it's a fake. We found it!" Granger begged his aunt._

" _Liar! Crucio!" his aunt said, relishing the opportunity to torture the poor young girl, lying on his drawing room's floor._

 _From Draco's perspective, Granger was slowly unhinging due to the high level of torture she was being exposed to. He just stood there, of course, but he felt a compulsion to interfere. In that moment, it dawned on him how insane these people he had pledged his life to, were. They, who were far more senior than Granger, were torturing and bullying a child. A room full of adults and they were attacking an unarmed, teenage girl. It was bloody bullshit!_

 _Granger's screamed turned slightly manic and hysterical, and this caught Draco's attention. He looked straight into her eyes. She looked like she was breaking. She was falling apart. He was stunned, for he could not imagine a world without Hermione Granger being bossy, controlling, bloody annoying but incredibly intelligent none the less. He could not deny it in that moment. Not while she was writhing on the floor_ and with that Draco woke up with a start.

He sat up quickly and that may have been a bad thing as his head throbbed like a toddler haphazardly beating on a set of drums. He should not have finished that bottle of firewhiskey Granger left behind!

He steadied himself and focused on his surroundings whilst the particulars of his dream became focused. He realised now it was not the act that bothered him so immensely, and the act did bother him quite a bit, but it was the fact that he figured out why it plagued his unconscious state. It was because that even in May he knew Granger did not deserve to be destroyed like that. Neither of them did. Not even Potter. They deserved to be normal witches and wizards. How did it make sense to obliterate their childhoods by forcing them to take major roles in an extremely dangerous war? The reason for the war was so juvenile, it was frustrating that no one could see the Dark Lord for the psychopath that he most definitely was.

She did not deserve to be treated like that. It did not matter whether she was a mudblood, uhm, muggleborn. She may be annoying but to be tortured to the brink of sanity, that could have easily destroyed her pristine mind, was uncalled for and immoral.

With that musing, he settled on the real thought bothering him.

He should have helped her. Even if he got himself killed, he should have done something at the very least. She did not deserve that cruelty and he did fuck all to help her! He supposed this is why he has been so mean to her now. He was feeling guilty, and in true Malfoy fashion, he turned the guilt into cruelty.

The sex was also cruel. It was punishing and controlling, and he showed her no tenderness. He was trying to fuck her into submission and alleviate the arousal she seemed to generate. That by far was the vilest deed he had ever done.

She was clearly not emotionally stable and he took advantage of her. She was, or rather is, not the same Hermione Granger. She was not the same self-assured bossy, know it all who would have kicked his arse if he tried that on her a few years ago. The fact that she allowed it, was a terrifying thought in itself.

He stood up with the intention of getting a glass of cold water. He walked slowly as he was still feeling the effects of the firewhiskey. As he creeped out of his room he heard a whimper.

"Don't…"

Who the hell…?

"Don't leave me again," a soft voice pleading in a breathless whisper.

He followed the sound until he realised it was coming from Granger's room. He stopped dead by her door. Her whimpers were becoming more frantic and he realised she must be having one of her legendary panic attacks. But then the sound came to a halt and there was silence. His curiosity overtook his need for self-preservation. He opened her door as quietly as possible. Just in case she had fallen asleep again. He could not ascertain whether it was primarily curiosity or if concern was also somehow tangled up in his emotions.

As he opened the door, his expectation was to see her fast asleep but he was shocked to see her sitting up with her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was rocking back and forth. When she heard him entering her room, she stopped and looked at him. He saw the shock cross her expression like a ripple.

A second later she started sobbing uncontrollably.

In Hermione's logical state of mind, she attributed her current emotional status to her drinking binge. It must have lowered her inhibitions and thus let the dam break. In front of Draco Malfoy.

This feeling of absolute darkness surprised her. It snuck up on her and took over her emotional control. Hermione worked very hard every day to control her emotions, to control herself despite her circumstances. Even at night, despite her constant terror, she never broke down. She would lose herself temporarily but would get back to herself soon enough. Not to make light of the experience but that she could somehow handle. Not whatever the hell this was.

Hermione felt like she lost them all over again and this time no one was here to hold her, to tell her they love her and that they would always be there for her. Those words helped.

Draco stood staring at her. Again. It seems he must find himself in this position at least once a week. This time he was at a complete loss. This was not a normal 'I'm hysterical and I'm an annoying girl cry', this was an, I'm tearing apart at the seams, out of control, gut wrenching sob. No one would leave a witch alone in this state, not even Draco Malfoy.

He went to her. She had started rocking again while sobs wracked her body. He took her by her shoulders but she continued rocking, seemingly psychotic.

"Granger."

Nothing.

"Granger! Granger! What the fuck! Stop this now! I'd like to fucking go sleep sometime tonight. You're making a damn racket!"

Nothing, just more sobbing. Heart breaking, earth shattering sobs.

Draco was starting to panic. She was becoming hysterical. He needed to snap her out this now!

"Granger! Hermione!"

Draco Malfoy calling her by her given name would most certainly do the trick.

She stopped mid rock. Her sobs halted but the tears were still streaming down her cheeks. She looked up at him.

"Help me."

"How?"

"Lie to me."

He did not know how he knew what she needed but he just did. He understood her quite well considering he despised her very existence. Draco told himself by doing this, he was seeking penance for not helping her that day. He told himself he needed to make it right. He would feed her delusions. He was after all a Slytherin. He understood the need for a rare dose of insanity.

"Come here."

But she stopped him. She shook her head. " Tell me you love me. Tell me you will always be there for me. Tell me I am safe."

He paused. So maybe she had lost her damn marbles but who the hell was he to judge. Luckily the swot chose the perfect wizard. He could lie like any other Malfoy. It was a prerequisite.

"Hermione," he paused for a second. "I love you. " he said it in a reverent whisper, a breath away from her lips. "I will never leave you. I will be here for you for as long as you need me, if you want me. And if that's the case, no one will touch you."

He hoped this shit was working. He sounded like a pussy.

"Hermione, I love you so much."

She shivered as the intensity of his delivery washed over her. A warm feeling seeping into her cold body.

When she seemed to have calmed down, he took her in his arms and laid them both down. On her bed. He kissed her hair as she settled into his arms.

"I wish that were true." Hermione murmured and promptly fell asleep.

He blatantly lied. He knew this. But why did saying those words feel like he started something.

…

" _ **Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism."**_

 **C.G. Jung**

 **25 December 2018**

The sunlight beams protruded through the drapes signalling the dawn of a new day. To be more specific, Christmas morning. Hermione felt very warm and content. Peaceful, one could stretch her descriptions. She hugged her source of comfort tightly and continued to snuggle. She had slept soundly that night. For the first time without the aid of a potion. She felt like a human being again. Whole, dare she push it? Though this is Hermione Granger and her mind started questioning the current position she found herself in. She started, reluctantly, to rouse herself. She opened her eyes and saw that she was encircled by quite muscular arms. She managed to sneak a peek to just above her head and saw a blond fast asleep.

She was so shocked, she ended up staring at him for a full minute. She then tried to extract herself from his arms. But he held her in place.

"Granger, go back to sleep."

"Uhm, Malfoy, you do know you are in my bed?"

"Yip."

"Why?"

"You honestly don't remember?"

She scrunched up her face, trying hard to recall the previous night.

" _ **Help me."**_

" _ **How?"**_

" _ **Lie to me."**_

Oh fuck!

It was barrelling back to her.

" _ **Hermione, I love you. "**_

" _ **I will never leave you. I will be here for you for as long as you need me, if you want me. And if that's the case, no one will touch you."**_

" _ **Hermione, I love you so much."**_

She sat up immediately. Her mind was racing at a warp speed. Her heart was speeding up and her mind could not seem to accept her memories of the previous night.

Sensing, her distress, Draco sat up and took by her shoulders.

"Snap out of it!"

She continued to become increasingly agitated.

"God damn it, you really are fucked up! I don't have time for this. Accept that you needed my help. Admit it. I made you feel safe. You needed it. I gave you what you needed. There is nothing wrong with that. Not with the current climate. The aftermath of the war. We use the tools we must to manage. But you cannot deny that you are fucked up and that you need help. Bravery is only bravery to a point. Then you are being plain fucking mental and insanely stupid."

Then he took her by her chin and forced her to look at him.

"You cannot deny that I, Draco Malfoy, am what you need."

She looked at him for a second. Then she grasped the hand cupping her chin and shoved it away.

"If I need you, I have officially fucking lost my mind."

With that she stalked off into her private en suite. The bathroom door closed with a bang.

Once the door banged, he let out the breath he held.

If this is what he gets for trying to help the mental bint, then it really wasn't encouraging him to become more compassionate.

He shook his head and sighed whilst getting off her bed and making his way out of her room. But as he passed her bathroom door, he heard sobs.

Draco Malfoy seemed to be sighing quite a bit these past couple of minutes. Alas, he sighed again and headed for her bathroom.

Once he opened the bathroom door, he found her seated on the beige, tiled floor at the base of the bath. Her knees were up to her chest and her arms were hugging her knees tightly while she sobbed her eyes out. Again.

"Granger, what is exactly is the reason for your frequent bouts of insanity?"

Nothing.

"Granger, talking helps. Sobbing like a brat won't help."

"A brat?

"Yes, a bushy haired brat."

"Wow, I've been promoted from mudblood to brat?"

Draco visibly flinched.

"What? You can't tell me that word bothers you. After all you were the first person to call me that and wish me to death in the same damn year!"

"The fact that I slept with you and fucked you might be an indication that I don't see you as that anymore." Draco said through clenched teeth.

It was her turn to flinch. A few tears escaped despite her forgetting her emotional state due to her anger at his condescending words.

"Leave me alone."

"No. You clearly are not stable enough to handle yourself."

"Well, wow, the war has given you a heart."

"And the war brought out the bitch in you. Colour me surprised."

Instead of getting angrier, Hermione laughed out loud.

"Wow, funny. Now that is surprising," she finished off and exhaled a long heavy sigh.

"Look, you're intelligent enough to realise you need help. Why not go see a head healer? You cannot possibly be happy with your current mental health?" Draco enquired.

Hermione turned her head to look directly at him. No words could describe how shocked she was with what he had just said. There may have been a hint of concern. Hell, she was sure there was.

"Why the concern?"

The question was blunt and it compelled him to be honest.

"I couldn't help you at the manor."

Her features softened and reverted a bit back to the old Hermione that cared about everyone and saw the best in them. She saw that he really believed his words and that he felt remorse. He may still be a prat but just because he was rude and arrogant did not make him evil.

"You-you would have been killed if you helped me. And you did help by not identifying us. It bought us some time to escape. So you don't owe me a thing. And I know I've been dredging up the past but it's in the past. I have forgiven you a long time ago. I'm just lashing out. You know misery loves company."

"So you're misery and I'm the company? I always knew you were in love with me!"

Hermione allowed herself to giggle. She really had no reason to shield her emotions. She honestly did not have the strength for it.

"What are you going to do? You cannot survive on potions."

She remained still for a moment. She was struggling to answer. This is just evidence pointing to her current mental state.

"I, I lost my parents because of this world. I made this world my life. I was engrossed in the quest to become the best. Probably due to my insecurities as a muggle born. Though due to my immersion into this world, I indirectly alienated my parents. They were the best type of parents any person could ask for. They encouraged me when I needed it, they reprimanded me when I tread too far off the right path. They were loving, funny and solid. They were my home. They loved me so much and when they died they did not even know they had a daughter that they loved more than life. I did that to them. With my magic, with my obsession to belong in this world. If I never came to this world, they would still be here today. Loving me, making me feel safe and never leaving me."

The words were familiar.

"So that's why you needed to hear those words."

Never one to beat around the bush hey?

"Yes, but you lied really well. I believed you. "

As she said these words she placed her head on his shoulders whilst sitting adjacent to him, by the base of the bath.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Just call me if you need me to lie again."

…

The Christmas day continued without any other hiccups and they joined the few students who stayed behind. Hermione opened all her gifts after lunch as she was not in a festive mood.

She opened Harry and Ginny's gift. They bought her an advanced potions kit. As an academic, this honestly thrilled her to no end. She then went onto Mrs Weasley's gift. She made her an apple pie and a purple cardigan with her name embroidered on the left side. Quite a change from the normal jumper. It was lovely. Finally, she settled on Ron's gift. She left it for last on purpose.

It was a gold eternity ring with small rubies woven between the strands of gold. It was a promise ring.

She was busy studying this thoughtful gesture when Draco entered their common room.

"From Weasel?"

"From Ron, yes. I must say I'm impressed. His usually rubbish when it comes to gifts."

"Hmmm, just a thought. Would you ever tell him about us?"

"Us?"

"The kitchen."

"Oh," she promptly blushed.

"Well, it won't be happening again. So…" she trailed off in embarrassment.

"Who said that it won't?"

"Er…"

"Eloquent Granger."

"Ha-ha."

"No, really, will you tell him?"

"Eventually. Maybe. But I did nothing wrong. We aren't together. And that day, that day felt right. He will understand if I explain my state of mind. Once I've figured it out of course."

"And if it happens again?"

"Well, it won't."

He had come closer during their conversation. His leg was touching hers. Now he put his hand on her thigh. He leaned forward in order to whisper into her ear.

"You know that isn't true."

He leaned back a bit and she turned her head to face him. She was quite close and she could smell his breathe. He smelt like mint and firewhiskey. Her eyes travelled to his lips and the pull was incredible. She bit her bottom lip to try and control the urge to snog him senseless. He then cupped her cheek bringing her face slightly more closely to him.

"Use me," he then closed the gap.

Hermione had been sitting on the sofa in their common room. Now she was facing Draco as he hungrily ravished her mouth. Both his hands were on her cheeks as he devoured her. She wasn't dead though. Her hands were in his hair and she started pulling more towards him as she tried to lay down on the sofa. He obliged her and was now snogging the life out of her, while lying on top of her. She opened her legs so that he could settle comfortably between them.

Their passionate kiss lasted ten minutes and by then end of it they were both highly aroused. She could feel his arousal and he could feel her heat.

Their break lasted a few seconds before Draco gently tugged on her bottom lip to continue what they were previously doing. His hands were now travelling towards the zipper of her muggle jacket. He unzipped it and allowed her to shrug it off. Next went her shirt and trousers. Hermione was now in her bra and knickers only.

She made an annoyed sound and got rid of his shirt and trousers. He was then left in his boxers. Green. Slytherin!

She caressed his muscular, torso and allowed her hands to thoroughly enjoy his physique. His breathe hitched under her ministrations. She felt him grow harder and that brought a panic to her mind.

"Draco, should we really be doing this?"

He started nibbling on her neck. "Do you want me to stop?"

Hermione could not say no.

This time was more of a seduction. Every move or touch was deliberate. Not frantic or hasty. Though in no way was this encounter any less passionate or desperate. Every kiss or grip demonstrated their need for each other.

Soon their underwear joined the other clothes on the floor.

Draco gave her breast the attention it needed. With his fingers massaging the bulk and his tongue swirling over her nipple. Hermione's breathe hitched and she arched off the sofa into him. Draco groaned at the contact.

"Tell me what to do."

"W-what?"

"Hermione, tell me what you want me to do or I stop right now."

"Whatever I want?"

"Yes," his voice becoming more and more husky.

"Make love to me. I need to feel it."

Draco faltered a bit. It was one thing to lie. Those were just words. But showing yet another form of lying he was not sure he could do.

But he wanted her so much. He could show her that. At least.

He entered her slowly and filled her to the hilt. She cried out loudly and bucked her hips. He held her in place by holding her down with his hands on her hips. Then he moved out so slowly, she thought he was trying a new torture technique. Her heart was beating fast and her throat was dry due to all the panting. Pleasurable jolts were vibrating through her. What added to the intensity was that she could feel every inch of him going in and out of her at a torturous pace. She could feel the heat from him and it added immensely to her pleasure.

"Lie to me," this time Draco made the request.

Out of her reverie, she heard him. In between her moans and pants, she said;

"Draco," As Draco thrust in and let whatever she felt for him course through her."I need you.I…I want you" Increasing it as he heard her words cried out like a prayer.

"I…"

They both were close. The thrusts became faster and harder until they both cried out in ecstasy.

"I love you Draco."

They settled down onto the sofa. Hermione lying on his naked chest, with one leg draped over his.

"Say it again."

She shifted so that she could make eye contact.

"I love you, Draco."

She clutched him tighter.

He was beginning to understand the addiction.

 _Disclaimer: All recognisable characters, plots, etc. do not belong to me. This is my manipulation of J.K Rowling's characters. They belong and will always belong to her._

 _Read and review!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

" _ **As he read, I fell in love, the way one falls asleep: slowly and then all at once."**_

 **John Green, The Fault in our Stars**

 **31 December 1998**

His presence was addictive. She craved him when he was not around. She felt empty when he was absent and sated when he was merely in the same room. He provided a warm distraction from all her pain. He was her quick fix. She tried to stay away from him and that lasted two nights. Now, his been in her bed for the last three nights. She couldn't resist the peace he continued to provide her.

So she used him.

His body, his mind, his words. To comfort, to feel safe.

Sometimes they just slept. Well, rarely. But sometimes.

She had to be honest. She was wildly attracted to Draco Malfoy. He seemed to incite a fire in her that was uncontrollable whenever he entered the room.

Imagine the effect of his hands.

He knew how to sexually manipulate her body in ways she had never even realised. Their dalliances were never the same but always better than the previous encounter. They fit too well together. Attentive and observant and it helped in the pleasuring department.

She gave as much as she got.

And she received plenty.

She was in lust with Draco Malfoy that was obviously evident.

Luckily no one was here, with them, to observe the changes in their relationship. But that will only last for another three days as today was New Year's Eve and everyone returns on the third. So they spent every moment together.

So that's where she found herself at the moment. Sitting on his lap with his arms circling her mid-section. They were snogging passionately. Running their hands all other each other. Every inch, every spot. The kiss looked so passionate and intimate, people might think they were actually a couple in love but alas they were far from that.

"Okay, wait!"

She pried herself from his arms and went to the window. Opened it and took a deep breath. Then exhaled. She looked into the night. The minutes of the old year was drawing to a close and wondered if she would ever be whole again. She wondered if that is what the New Year would bring in.

She knew how bad things were for her.

Her addiction to Draco and his words. His body and what he did to her with it.

But that was all he did. Distract with his body. They tried never to bring up any of their actual issues. So they lived in some sick delusion where they love each other and cannot get enough of each other.

Okay, maybe the latter was true.

But this will not be enough for long. She needed to get a semblance of her life back and she needed to get herself back. She needed it more than anything and it seemed the longer she thought about it, the more she panicked. She panicked that she would be forced to be broken for the rest of her life. She would never be Hermione Granger again. She would be this shell that was addicted to sex with Draco Malfoy. She would never have her family with Ron. She would lose him because she could not subject him to sharing a life with this person she had become.

"You worry too much, Granger. "

He laid back on the armchair they were just engrossing themselves in each other a few minutes ago.

":And you worry about nothing."

"True, but about this, your worry is redundant."

She sighed and looked out to the sky again. She then felt his warm, soft hands on her hips. She inhaled his aroma and her blood began to simmer. He leaned into her neck and inhaled her. As he did so he whispered,

"Six months, Granger. Six months."

He softly breathed onto her neck which caused her to shiver involuntarily. He took that as a sign to continue. He turned her around and kissed her with sincerity and tenderness she didn't know he possessed.

This Draco she could love.

She pushed the thought away and allowed him to her kiss her, by the open dormitory window, while Professor Flitwick's firework display signalled the commencement of the New Year.

…

 **2 January 1999**

He opened his eyes as the light poured into her room's window. His automatic response was to reach out for her. It was utterly insane to be here, to do this but he learnt a long time ago that he would not deny his wants due to social acceptability. He had already accepted that she was what he wanted. Well, for now. He would seduce, coerce manipulate as much as he could to keep her for as long as possible. So she was his. The Weasley may or may not get her back.

Draco doubted her reasons for even loving the hopeless case. He doubted the Weasel knew her body as well he did now. He doubted he could understand her mind as Draco does without words even being exchanged. He understood what she was going through and he'd give her everything she needed. Would the Weasel? Could he?

She was broken but parts of her were healing and she may not see it but she was coming into her own again. Can the Weasel accept his part in her life? Accept how deeply intimate they have become. By giving into their delusions they have allowed the other to see exactly what their hearts desire despite the insanity of the notion.

He needed someone to love him without reservation or condition. Hermione Granger gave him that dream. The illusion as she stands for that type of love. She represents it. Lately, she's become more and more believable. He wondered…

A pan made a clanging sound.

He got up and went to the kitchen to see what the fuck was happening.

When he got there, Granger was cooking up a storm.

With magic.

He stood there watching her and absorbed a rare sight of her being who she used to be.

She was flicking and twirling her wand like the expert she was and there was no hesitation.

She has not felt so confident or comfortable in a while, he knew. This was good.

"Very domesticated, aren't we Granger?"

She gave out a small squeak at the sound of his sudden voice but recovered quickly. Though not without a blush.

"Yes, well, I wanted to surprise you."

Now he was caught off guard. He knew she was this type of girl. He gets her at night but in the day? He was utterly shocked at this sentiment.

"Please, sit down, I'll be with you shortly."

He did what she said. He went to the kitchen counter. The same kitchen counter they were together for the first time on.

"So why are you doing this?"

She looked at him, glanced down for a second, and then looked at him with slight defiance in her eyes.

"I thought we could extend the delusion."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

He smiled. That rare smile that he reserved for people he was completely comfortable with and could be himself with. She was everything he is not and vice versa. Yet, he was here, smiling broadly at her.

She smiled back for a second then went back to her work.

He sat and waited for her patiently. Something Ron would have never done. One distinct difference.

When she completed the last task, she settled on the chair next to him and with a flick the food appeared on his plate.

He cocked his head to the side looking at her. Then had a thought.

"Let's kick up the delusion."

He leaned into her, took her check and kissed her with all the emotions racing through his body. She responded and did the same. After a moment or two, he pulled back a bit and they learned their heads together. Then he pulled back a bit more and looked directly into her eyes. He cupped her face gently. His eyes were a dangerous storm that would engulf her and she was not sure if she would survive the assault this moment was inflicting on her heart.

"I need you. I need this. I'm not sure what is happening or when this will end but belong to me. For now, while we heal, while we find what we are supposed to need. But Hermione, please, I need this. Let's just take this from the world, for a while."

With the last line, he swept them off into the storm and welcomed the havoc it caused within themselves.

Though, classic Hermione, wondered how this was a delusion anymore.

…

" _ **Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be and if all else remained and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."**_

 _ **Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights**_

 **10 January 1999**

"Draco, darling, how have you been?" Astoria said as she hugged Draco.

"Cut the bullshit, Tori. You are and will never be a lady."

"True, but I may have to start conforming. You know, Lady Malfoy and all."

Draco gave a tight smile. The notion of being forced into marriage was starting to look more and more unappealing. With Granger, the illusion they were fortunate to experience, in the last few days, showed him what he really wanted and not what he will be forced to live for the rest of his life. He wasn't even sure if it was Granger or just what she represented. He was still figuring that out.

The sex was incredible and erotic as fuck. He would have never guessed Granger would be so open to all the crazy shit he wanted to try. She did it though. With the same passion she did everything else. She trusted him. That was evident and he really did not know what to make of that.

He was never in a relationship where trust was present. As Slytherin mistrust was inherent. Add in the war (everything everyone was forced to go through) and it can be understood that everyone would be on edge. Each person lost something or someone. Not one magical individual could say they weren't grieving something or someone. The obvious losses were loved ones. Then the less obvious, more abstract, were the virtue and innocence people like Draco had to offer up for the war. Now his mind would forever be tarnished with the nightmares that would plague his dreams for the foreseeable future. At least he hadn't lost any true loved ones. The people he truly and wholeheartedly loved were alive and well. He only lost his youth. He wasn't minimising his losses but in comparison to Granger, he could see how small they were.

"Mother was babbling about the wedding incessantly. The colour palette, the flowers, the music, blah blah blah. I have no interest in the arrangement of my demise."

Draco laughed. "Demise?"

"Yes, Lord Malfoy, demise. We are repeating or upholding tradition and that to me is demise. Misery will be on our doorsteps in July. What's tragic is, we'll smile about the sentencing of our lives as we know it. Why? Because it is expected."

"My word, Tori, the festive season has made you wise beyond your years."

"No, the war has. I know I was all okay with it last September but I feel we've been through so much just to be living a life we're forced to live. It seems like a waste. But of course I tried to bring that up but my mother nearly avadad herself, so I let it go. Father is completely unapproachable. If it wasn't for my high maintenance life and the fact that I actually love my family, I'd run away and tell them to sod off. But there's no way I would ever give up my money nor leave my family. The war made us all appreciate what we have as well."

"Yeah, I've been on that wave length for a while."

"Very talkative aren't you?" Tori laughed.

"So what exactly have you been doing with your year?"she asked.

"Oh you know, here and there a girl or two."

"That's not what the girls have been saying. Apparently Drake the Rake has been servicing himself this past month. They say you were your usual flirtatious, man whore self then poof, you became all conservative. They just cannot understand it but I am fairly intelligent, Draco. You have someone. You love sex too much to give it up. In fact, it's your coping mechanism."

"So who is she?" Astoria pryed.

Draco kept his face expressionless and answered;

"I have no idea what you're on about."

"Ooooh, you're guarding her honour. She must be someone scandalous!"

"Tori, you're revealing your diapers." 

Astoria giggled. "Aww Draco, you're no fun. I hope you'll be more agreeable when we're married."

"You know –"

"Hermione!"

Draco was pulled away from his conversation with his almost fiancé to see a red haired banshee run towards his lover, who was engrossed in a book by the fireplace. Granger was startled by the red head's shout but once she recovered, she jumped up and embraced the ginger girl.

They started talking animatedly. Draco watched her. She seemed more alive these days. He was sort of proud of her. She probably lost the most in this war. Yet here she was recovering. Though no one would know her drug of choice and Draco would not be revealing it if that meant losing her.

He had been pondering her role in his life since last September. That time in the kitchen was supposed to be a once off. Then it became a purely delusion based physical need. Now he was not sure.

He was at first forced to see her more in this shared dormitory then when he knew what she felt like, and he could admit now, she was part of his better dreams. He didn't know when he started observing her and her habits. But he now knew this Hermione Granger.

Like her, he was an academic. He watched her when she had become a part of his periphery. Even before he shared her bed, he knew she was up at dawn when she manged to sleep. She would have one slice of toast with nothing on it with black coffee while reading some enormous volume of something. Then off to the shower she'd go and come out all wet haired but neat. She would always have bags under her eyes. With a haunted expression plastered on her face like the make up the other girls wore. She would move through her day like a robot. She was clearly suffering immensely and no one was able to help her. Until he joined her little dark world.

Before she was forced to endure all these dark clouds always surrounding her, he had to admit he did notice her. It might not be for the same reasons as now, but he noticed her regardless. She was eager to absorb all the knowledge this world had to offer her. She was clearly entirely enthralled by this world which was most definitely new to her. But many people might think she felt inadequate because she was a muggleborn and she may have felt like that in the beginning but she came into her own and found her place. To Draco, she looked as if she belonged more than some witches and wizards. He could openly admit that to himself now.

Hermione Granger owned her magic like the powerful witch she was always meant to be and looking back, she deserved to be revered.

Not be tortured, lose her parents and lose herself. Draco was a prat when he was younger, he knew this. Completely drenched in the dogma his father professed, Draco could have never really seen her like he was able to now.

Fuck was he grateful that he changed his perception of her.

Looking at her grow stronger in the past couple of days so rapidly, gave him a feeling of accomplishment. He wanted her, now not only for the mind blowing sex they seemed to illicit each time, but just for her. He wanted her. He was starting to think of ways to keep her.

That weasel needed to go first.

…

"So how have you been? How's the nightmares? I was really worried about it when you convinced me to leave you here all alone." Ginny explained.

Hermione hesitated for a second before she answered her best friend. She could outright lie to her best friend as that would buy her more time. But she really did not want to do that. Her friends were her only family now. She really did not want to poison her relationships with lies.

Though conversely she really was not ready to have anyone find about her escapades with Draco, er, Malfoy. It would be best to leave it Malfoy. She might get caught using his first name. So yes, Malfoy it has to stay.

To be honest, she did not want anyone to find out about her, oh gosh, she didn't even have a name for it. Their thing. They had sex, lied to each other and helped each other get through the night. That was their deal and it worked so well while Ginny was gone.

It actually worked so well, she was starting to soften whenever he entered the room. She always knew he was extremely attractive. Even when he was threatening her life or calling her mudblood. He was a handsome son of a bitch. That's why feeling that sizzle in the pit of her stomach was not too uncomfortable. It was not necessary to convince herself not to feel that way. That day in the kitchen last September was sort of necessary, as attraction was culminating between the two for years. All the frustration, insults, banter etc. Everything that ever exchanged between the two of them could be seen as foreplay. Hence the tryst they had in the kitchen was not too surprising. But seeing him as a human being was most definitely unnerving.

His words at night were so seductive and calming simultaneously. He soothed and ignited the fire in her. He made her feel safe but also took her to heights she never knew existed. He awoke something alive in her that has been sleeping ever since she found out her parents passed away.

Draco didn't treat her like a princess though. No eggshells for him. She wasn't fragile to him though lately she was feeling damn precious. She wondered these days how they would be in a real relationship.

Though that was the thing. Their relationship, thing or whatever one would name it, was not real. They never spoke about real issues that a couple would talk about. They never spoke about their families and Hermione was starting take a real interest in him. Maybe even a fancy.

He was so mysterious and complex. For the past couple of years we all thought he was a spineless twat, and granted he was a twat, but he was an intricate twat. Fascinating he was to Hermione and he piqued something in her that made her feel like breathing wasn't a chore anymore.

So she really didn't want to expose their little piece of heaven yet. If ever. But how could she answer Ginny without lying?

"I've been trying a new type of therapy. And it's been having the best results. So far."

"Oh wow. Ron will be so happy to hear that. Oh speaking about Ron, the terrible two might make a turn next week. Well I hope it's a definite. We need to speak to McGonagall about accommodation. I'm sure she'll allow them to stay here. There is space. Then we can swop rooms."

She gave me a knowing smirk.

"Er sure, Gin."

Shit! Ron was coming?

"Okay, Mione, I'll go take a nap, the train ride was taxing to say the least. "

She gave Hermione a peck on the cheek and skipped along to their room.

Hermione forgot Ginny stayed in her room.

…

Draco who had continued his talk with Astoria in the kitchen, watched the exchange between the two witches in the living room. He watched how Granger's face took on a shocked expression, then recovered. When the ginger scampered off, he watched Granger's forehead furrow into a frown. She looked like she was working out a problem.

At that precise moment she must have felt his stare because she looked up.

When they stared at each other for a second, Draco winked at her.

Her expression was so shocked, Draco had to laugh as he walked Astoria out of the kitchen and to the exit.

 _Disclaimer: All recognisable characters, plots, etc. do not belong to me. This is my manipulation of J.K Rowling's characters. They belong and will always belong to her._

 _Thank you for reading thus far. Please leave a review. I would really appreciate it. If you pick up any mistakes, please let me know._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

" _ **If you desire healing,  
let yourself fall ill  
let yourself fall ill."**_  
 **―** **Rumi**

 **19 January 1999**

Ginny Weasley was observing her best friend from her side of their room. She watched Hermione absorb knowledge from that monstrous book like a Dementor sucking out someone's soul. She smiled a small, personal smile. Her friend really seemed to be getting better. She understood that the last year was especially devastating for Hermione but she showed no signs of improvement until now. She couldn't describe how elated she was. Ginny has had little to be delighted about lately but Hermione's improvement is hope that everything might just be okay. One day.

"You really look good, Hermione," Ginny said sincerely.

Hermione Granger was slightly startled by her friend's sudden comment. She looked at Ginny, slightly embarrassed. Ginny took it as the usual Hermione response. She always blushed when people were particularly affectionate toward her. Though that was a factor, Hermione was mainly responding in this fashion due to her blatant deception.

While she was reading, before Ginny's comment, Hermione had been trying to figure out how she could go to Draco without alerting Ginny later on. She knew it was pointless to deny that she needed him. Now she needed to come up with some plausible explanation so that she didn't rouse suspicion.

"Thank you, Ginny."

"I was really worried about you, we all were. You are Hermione Granger and you always seemed so strong, so capable. Seeing you so broken really fractured my soul even more than losing Fred. You always endure, you always survive and you weren't. And now, and now you're just excelling at another highly impossible task. You basically lost everything but here you are. Going on. Coping and I know eventually you will thrive again. You'll be our Hermione again."

"Ginny I don't need you to put me on a pedestal. I will never be her again. The war changed us all. We will never be the same again for various reasons. We all suffered. I am no different."

With that she got up and went to the kitchen.

Ginny was a bit taken aback. She didn't expect that response. She didn't understand why her friend reacted like that. Still confused, she shrugged and went to sleep. She was quite exhausted from the train journey that afternoon.

…

Hermione was a bit miffed. Why did they always insist on seeing her as perfect or as a constant role model? Ginny looked at her in awe and it irritated her to no end. With those expectations, she was expected to never make a mistake. Never to falter.

She seethed for all of five minutes then slumped into her usual depressive mode. It seemed to be her default these days. She settled by the island in the kitchen and stared at the stainless steel without seeing.

Draco saw her enter the kitchen because he was in the living room. When he saw she was clearly upset, he got up to see what the matter was. He wondered what the Weaselette had to say that got his witch in a tizzy.

"What did She-Weasel say to upset you?" He asked her once he entered the kitchen.

She heard him and looked in his direction. Due to her current sombre mood, she didn't even react to his sudden appearance. She took her time thinking of her response. They never spoke about these topics outside of the bedroom. They weren't in a relationship as she had to remind herself continuously. But here he was asking her a question that was not at all beneficial to him in any way.

"They expect so much from me."

"Elaborate."

"They expect me to be perfect every second of every day. I must always be the one that is strong, put together while they are always dysfunctional for some mundane reason. I must fix things. Always."

"It is expected, " she finished.

Draco said nothing.

"They believe I am some wonder witch that can overcome every 'highly impossible task" as Ginny so eloquently put it. That my mistakes are myths and they could not be further from the truth. Especially not now."

She got up from the bar stool by the counter of the island. She was being a bit too honest and it held a certain intimacy she really could not handle at the moment. When she got to where he was standing and tried to go around him, he grabbed her right arm.

Firmly.

"Kindly remove your hand from my person," she ordered him.

"Sure, once you tell me why her comment bothered you so much. Tell me was it that they think you're perfect, as you arrogantly put it, or is it that you're afraid they won't approve of your mechanism of coping?"

He kept her firmly in place and gazed into her eyes. He saw as realisation flickered in her eyes. Her eyes widened slightly as he hit the nail on the proverbial head. Maybe she hadn't realised what the real problem was. She was only just recovering so she was not at full Hermione Granger capacity. She will get there soon. He will make sure of it.

"The latter, "she said bluntly with some venom.

Draco continued to pierce her with his current steel glare. She had not evaded the truth. That was a good sign. He could be getting closer to her. Then his stare softened and he situated himself directly in front of her and cupped her face.

"You know why they hold you so high up on their diamond encrusted, goblin made pedestal?"

"Obviously because I'm supposed to be the smart one. I am the fixer."

"Partly. But the main reason why they hold and keep you on that pedestal is because you allow them to place all that pressure on you. How the fuck can you have lost your parents and expect to heal so quickly? You insist that you are being a liability to your friends but for fucks sake why the hell not? They have been a fucking liability to you since day one. Why can you not screw up, just for once? And in my honest opinion I think that's why you're struggling to move on. You are more worried about being okay for them than being okay for you. Truly mourning. I mean we have privileges and freedom, I do not recall you ever slipping away and visiting your parents' gravesites. You are so far in denial it is by far a catastrophic insult to your usually brilliant mind."

She was about to retort when he cut her off. She completely missed the compliment as well.

"Look I am not Weasel. I will not sugar coat it and I think that's why you need me. You need me to break down the delusions you have built up and help you face the truth step by step. And you know what with all your fucked up mental shit, you are still okay in my eyes."

Okay what? Okay? What does that mean? Then he let go of her and made to walk back to the lounge, but halted by the door and said;

"Don't stay away tonight because you may need me but …but I need you too."

…

So she slipped out. It was actually quite simple. She waited until Ginny was sound asleep and left her a note:

 _ **Needed to step out for my new therapy. Don't worry.**_

 _ **Love you.**_

 _ **Hermione**_

The plan was simple and allowed her an alibi for future liaisons. Also, she wasn't really lying.

…

Hermione slipped into his room and saw that he was fast sleep but somewhat restless. So she slipped into his bed, went to his ear and said;

"Draco, you're okay too."

Since the war, Draco had become a light sleeper so the dynamic shift of his bed already roused him. What she said woke him up entirely.

"Draco, what is this?"

"I honestly don't know but I want it. Don't end it."

He pulled her close and kissed her sweetly. He coerced her mouth open with his tongue ever so gently, allowing her to also make the decisions. She opened up her mouth and entered his mouth slowly with her tongue. Their tongues danced while their hands roamed. She had a sleep shorts and tank top (blue with black butterflies) on, therefore not too tough to remove but he didn't remove anything as yet. His hand ventured down and became a bit more risqué.

He glided into her with his fingers and gently massaged her. She started squirming a bit. And moaning. She was lying next to him, flat on her back. He was lying on his side kissing her and doing sinful things with his fingers.

She gasped as she felt her climax coming on quite fast and he sped up his fingers and quickly, even violently sent her over the edge.

"Woah! You are too good at that. I don't even want to know how."

With that she kissed him, flipped him around and sat on top of him, straddling him. She wandlessly removed their clothes. She could now feel him throbbing against her but she didn't put him in. She instead gazed down at him then bent down to kiss him fiercely. This time her mouth attacked his. No slow seduction. She was entirely too needy now.

He matched her ferocity and placed his hands on her hips and started grinding against her opening. He could feel she was getting wetter and wetter by the moment.

She never took charge like this. It was interesting and he had to say he liked it. Liked her.

She placed her hand between them, located his member and positioned it at her entrance.

He couldn't wait anymore, he thrust himself inside her and they both groaned audibly.

He used his pelvis to fuck her fast and she gave back everything he was giving her.

From his perspective, she looked glorious. Her eyes were dark with lust and want. The delicious moans, she emitted just drove him further to his finish. His heartbeat was racing and it felt exhilarating.

With a few more thrusts, she called out his name when she climaxed and promptly collapsed on top of him.

She fell asleep like that and he encircled her with his arms.

…

 _ **Dear Ginny and Hermione**_

 _ **We're really sorry but we cannot make it out to see you. Due to the nature, we cannot disclose why. But know that we really wanted to see you two as well. So Ginny, try not to hex us when we do eventually make it out to see you two. This was out of our control. But please Hermione, don't fret, we are okay and auror training is gruelling but nothing we cannot handle.**_

 _ **We love you and miss you.**_

 _ **Harry & Ron**_

…

Hermione felt slightly melancholic after reading their note. Despite her anxiety over actually seeing Ron, she still missed him terribly. He possessed a warmth in him that provided her with comfort that eased her troubles. That was another difference between Draco and Ron. Ron eased, Draco invaded and consumed.

Though despite the disappointment, she was not as upset as Ginny. For obvious reasons.

"This is bollocks! I was really looking forward to this!" Ginny exclaimed.

"I know Ginny but they will try their best to visit as soon as possible. You know this. They wouldn't let us down unnecessarily. Just try to be patient. I know you miss Harry and you really wanted to see him but I'm sure he will make it up to you."

"No more than your anticipation to see Ron."

"Of course Ginny."

…

Hermione waited in his room and unconsciously let her eyes roam around his room. He was unnaturally tidy for an individual from the male species. Hermione observed that everything had its place and it was quite refreshing to see a man, for in the wizarding world he was most definitely a man, take responsibility of his personal possessions and his environment.

However, from her position which was on his bed, which was centred in his room, parallel to his study desk, she saw an old A3 leather bound, brown book. It was right at the bottom of a neat pile of books. The books were what they were currently using therefore the brown A3 book being included, was peculiar. Draco and Hermione were in all the same classes this year.

She tried to settle her curiosity but her interest had been sparked and honestly it was probably an extra book. He surely would not mind too much.

Once she convinced herself, she stood up and walked to the desk and extracted the book carefully.

It was a sketch pad and the artist was ingeniously talented.

The attention to detail was marvellous. She noticed each sketch was done in charcoal. It was initialled at the end of every page, _**DM**_.

As she flicked carefully through the book, she halted at an odd sketch. It was incomplete. She studied it.

"Oh my!" she said aloud.

It was a sketch of her. Asleep. He has been studying her, in detail, in her sleep. In this sketch, she seemed peaceful. As if she never experienced the war.

With his mere presence, she looked serene. He cannot be bad for her if he made her find her peace again.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Hermione jumped and with that let the book drop. The pages scattered on the floor and she quickly dropped to her knees and collected them.

"I'm sorry for intruding, really but these are magnificent, Draco!" she said while gathering them and once she was done, she stood up, looked at him and smiled brightly.

She looked so positive and glowing, he was slightly startled by the wattage. Firstly, because she hasn't smiled this brightly since his been in close relations with her. Secondly, it was never directed at him. It was usually a shy smile or a scowl. Not this radiant emmision. It actually took him aback. Of course then the irritation seeped through directly after that.

"Is there any particular reason why you felt you could invade my privacy? Why you thought you could look at my most private belongings?"

She remained quiet. Guilt was starting to course through her.

"I thought respecting others was a Gryffindor noble and shit. But only when it fucking suits you hey? "

"Dra-"

"Shut up! You had no right. Didn't your parents teach you basic etiquette? Well too bad they're dead now or you could have asked them to make up for their lack of instruction in that regard."

He saw the hurt flicker across her face at the mention of the word _parents._ But he didn't relent.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? My girlfriend? I wouldn't share this part of me even if you were ever so privileged to call yourself that," he cut into her. Because that's what Draco did. Lash out whenever he was threatened or feeling insecure.

Hermione was completely unprepared for his verbal assault. Though in hindsight, it was pretty naïve of her. She knew who Draco Malfoy was even though she had deluded herself into thinking he was some other man. A man who might care about her. He made her feel like that sometimes. But times like these, he reared his true colours.

The magnitude of the situation was not dependant on what he was saying to her because honestly, she could take it. She could take it if she wasn't sleeping with him and bloody enjoying his company.

She could take it if she wasn't so infatuated with him.

He seemed like he matured but now she was not so sure.

She allowed him to touch her in ways not even Ron explored. He knew her deepest fears and her greatest desires. These were revealed in those sinful lies each time it was repeated. She deluded herself into thinking he was helping her, that he was starting to care about her. The thought alleviated her guilt for sinking to this level of desperation. She thought he was softening toward her. He kissed her with such sincerity and those lies he graced her with were so believable. But he is a Malfoy. Lying is a prerequisite.

Her smile had vanished when he cut into her. The words were painful to hear therefore it took her some time to ground herself and gather some strength. She took one breathe, two and then three.

"I apologise for the intrusion. It will not happen again. Good night Malfoy," she said it coldly and cordially.

Her parents did fucking teach her manners.

…

Fuck!

He just screwed up all the progress he had made in the last couple of weeks. She was finally opening up herself completely to him. It was a bit foolhardy in his opinion, to trust him so quickly but he loved it. And now, his fucking temper messed up everything. If she slapped him again, he could have handled that. But that detached approach was entirely unnerving.

Why the fuck was she invading his privacy? His art was his only secret. The only entity that tangibly belonged to him alone. Why did she push herself into his life like that?

Fuck!

It's because she cares about him. She wants to share his life. She wants to know him and he just effectively evicted her from his life and he had no clue how to get her back.

…

Ginny was busy studying on her bed when Hermione entered their room.

Ginny could see Hermione was upset. But she didn't look in a sharing mood. Hermione would crease her forehead and would mutter to herself slightly. So with these signals present, Ginny was one hundred percent sure her friend was quite emotional at the moment.

Ginny decided to leave her alone. They all had times where they were fraying at the edges. She would come to her if she needed her.

With that Ginny went back to her studying while Hermione left the room hurriedly.

…

She needed some air. So she decided to go to the Astronomy Tower.

She reached the Astronomy Tower's doors and opened them onto the balcony. She embraced the biting chill that welcomed her. She took a deep breath and reflected on the past two hours.

Hermione thought she discovered true humanity in him and as swiftly as she found it, he ripped the image away from her. Why the hell did he have to be so utterly and absolutely cruel? She understood that he felt vulnerable because it was something very intimate and private that she discovered but was it necessary to always her on default. When he became like that, he looks ready to kill. To draw blood. He most certainly did tonight.

And Hermione? Well, she had made up her mind. She has wallowed enough and this sickness, this disease that has overtaken her emotional body must heal now. One thing Draco taught her was to face up to the ugly parts of her past and with that move on. Hermione had made up her mind and anyone who knew Hermione, knew when she made up her mind, it was full steam ahead. She didn't know how but she would figure it out somehow.

She felt his presence behind her.

She did not say a word.

"Look, I will never be easy to deal with. I always react immaturely when I do not have grip on my emotions. And that part of me no one knows. I had never intended to share it with anyone."

Still, she said nothing but she could feel him moving closer towards her. His warmth pulsed and it was sending waves her way.

"But I am sorry for ill-treating you. For mentioning your parents so callously."

Draco remained silent thereafter. She still had her back turned towards him. Then suddenly she flipped around and glared at him with dangerously, fired up eyes.

"I apologise once again for the intrusion but you had no right to want to cause me unnecessary pain. You did that to cause me pain."

She then simmered down and looked so vulnerable. He had an urge to go to her and comfort her. Which was ironic as he was the cause of her upset.

"Draco, I can't do this with you if you cannot respect me. I know the way this started may have given you the idea that I do not deserve respect especially with what happened right with you and Astoria last September. But that is not me. I was and am not well. Not in my full capacity. But I feel like I am healing. And despite your approach, you helped me. I thank you for that."

"Why does it feel like you are breaking this thing off?"

"I think we must."

"And at night?"

"Draco, I'll go and get the help I deluded myself into thinking I don't need."

"Are you sure because…"

He didn't want this to end. Not at all. So he decided to sacrifice his pride.

"Because I want you. I don't want to lose you."

"Draco, this is not me. I do not have flings with no strings attached. It is not part of my makeup. And you? That's all you are about. I mean for all I know you are sleeping with entire straight, female population of Hogwarts. We have some fucking odd arrangement. And my morals cannot compute or justify my behaviour any longer. Despite my feelings for you."

He didn't know what was more shocking, her declaration of her feelings for him or her cussing. Hermione Granger hardly cussed.

"Your feelings?"

"Draco you know me. I am a Gryffindor through and through. My heart is always in everything I do. That's why the loss of my parents was so profound. My heart is always on my sleeve."

"So you're, what, in love with me?"

"Don't flatter yourself," she said with a snort.

"Undignified Granger."

"Anyway, I think over all we have been reading each other wrong. A misunderstanding if you will." Her courage of the last minute had seemed to evaporate

"Yes," he said. Not making this easy for her.

"Oh bollocks! You're driving me utterly insane."

"I've been told I have that effect on women. Some men as well."

"Okay then I am not continuing this damn conversation. You have embarrassed me enough today, I think."

She made her way to pass him but he caught her by her arm.

"Firstly, I am not a slag. I don't sleep with multiple birds. And if that was the way I operated, you would have captivated my attentions instantly. As it happens, you did. I noticed you way before we started this. After our escapade in the kitchen, you all but solidified my attraction towards you."

"I don't just feel attraction. I'm going to be blunt. I don't love you."

"But I could."

"So you want an actual relationship?" Draco asked." Dates, flowers, picnics? Basically courting?"

"Yes and I think we need to slow things down. Give us a real chance."

"What exactly does the slowing down entail?'

"Uhm… No sex. We start by the first date and progress like any normal couple. "

"You think you can last?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You are a bit of a sex addict."

"What! Me?"

Then Draco promptly burst out laughing.

"You are an incorrigible ferret!"

That stopped him.

"When will you let me live that down?" he said with a sigh.

"Probably never. But seriously are you up for it?"

"No sex?"

"No sex right now but definitely in the future. If we have a future together."

His eyes became quicksilver and he encircled her waist." We definitely have a future." He said in a low,seductive whisper. He whispered it directly into her ear. Shivers spiralled down her spine. Her libido was kicked into gear.

Then he left her go and she immediately missed his warmth. The contact. The touch.

"Okay. A real relationship."

"With no sex?" She asked coyly.

"Yes, with no sex. For as long as you can hold out." With that, before she could retort, he grabbed her, pulled her close and allowed a rare intimate embrace.

She embraced him and forgave their previous altercation.

For now.

 _Disclaimer: Not mine. J.K Rowling's. Read and review._

 _Quick question: Do you like Astoria?And do you miss Harry and Ron?_


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